The Tormenters, Green

Posted by TraderTiki on February 11th, 2009 — Posted in Bilge


Lev1tr@, V1@gr@, and now, L3 Tormen7 V3r7.  I’ve received quite a bit of spam in my time on the internet, but none so… well, painful.  I’d like to think that my time here does not go to waste.  That the countless hours I’ve spent grinding my fingers to the bone over some CSS change, or the amount of toxification my liver has taken trying bad drinks so you don’t have to, actually count for something in the world.  That some modicum of respect comes from those imbibers, professionals and distillers who might stumble across this site.  In time, I’ve seen flashes of this, and felt nourished, improved, and enamored by it, driving me to do bigger and better things.   Then came this comment in my TDN Live post (recipe changed, subtly):

i’ve never been a fan of mixed drinks until i came into the poison apple martini POISON APPLE MARTINI
Easily batched for the mini carafe bottles
1oz Le Tourment “Absinthe” (substitute Scope Wintergreen)
1/2oz Donkey Piss
1/2oz Curried Sewage Water
Splash Cranberry Juice
- Shake well and strain into rocks glass

This was followed up with about 20+ other comments, ranging from the inane to the blatant “Buy this shit now.” This does not fill me with joy.  This only frustrates me, as I spam filter the comments, and reach for my Akismet settings to stop the torrent of torment coming through to my inbox.

First off, numbnuts, I put a lot of time and effort into this site.  Perhaps not quite so much recently, but my time != your adspace.  This is my house, bitches!  Take your shoes off at the front door, and don’t shit on my lawn, not necessarily in that order.  This is not a forum, this is my podium, so trying to make it like there’s a discussion going on just don’t work.

Second, I MAKE THE DRINKS HERE.  You want to talk recipes?  Let’s talk, collaborate, commiserate, it’s one of the things I enjoy about this thing we call blog.  Posting recipes hawking your warez though?  No, no, and a thousand times more NO.  I do not post recipes submitted from PR Firms (for the most part), and I damned well ain’t going to accept one posted in the comments through some hackery considered to be “Viral Social Marketing.”  You want recipes?  Send me an email, send me some samples, and I’ll give you something.  Hell, send cash and I’ll even give some adspace and a name drop or two.

Third… man.  If this were a decent product, I’d have other things to say, MAYBE, but… Le Tourment Vert “Absinthe” is just horrible.  Just… an awful product.  Not just as an absinthe, but as just something on the market, it’s bad.  The best recipe I’ve seen for it so far is to use the bottle as a paperweight.  Adding shit like spamming blogs onto this shitpile of a product just makes it a touch shittier, no?

So now you’re thinking, “well, this guy’s just a dick, and a pompous dick at that.”  All true, but let me at least put some nugget out there of how best to work with bloggers (we are a strange, hat-wearing bunch).  Like any relationship, a little respect in the beginning pays forward in multitudes.  You put a touch of time and effort into a personal email, letter, or something else, and you will be respected in turn.  We LOVE samples.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Besides, how do I know you’ve got the best snake oil unless I’ve tried it myself?  Recipes… well, we tend to stick to the classics, or develop our own.  If you send a recipe that’s from a noted or available source, that’ll garner a lot more possibility of posting (ie - Jeffrey’s Boca Loca recipes) than giving us your standard Crappletini.

Need an example of who’s doing it right?  Check out Brand Action Team or the Baddish Group.  For PR Agencies, these folks are top notch.  A bit heavy on the emails at times, but forgiveable since they’re always willing to work with bloggers the way we want to be worked with, which is, as though were were real people.

So to larry, gloria, luv2drink, wwwhhhaaaa, comedyman21, tipsy, Brett, drinktomeethotchicks, and all others at IP Addresses and, I hope your Communications degrees from University of Phoenix comfort you during this backlash, bitches.

For more (polite, literate, etc) rants, check out Darcy, Marleigh, SeanMike, Gabriel, Jon, Chris, Stevi, Tiare, Paul, Chuck, and Matt.

Update: Since being solicited, Cashmere Agency, the PR firm representing LTV, sent me a care package containing the product, and a few other “goodies”.  This is a step in the right direction, and at the same time… man, Red Bull and Sour Apple Pucker?  We got to get you hooked up with some professional mixologists.  I have to give credit for the cocktail recipes + the mixers to make them with, but still… new recipes folks.  The Appletini has been declared dead.

Update the second: In the time between the date this was posted, and now, 9:30 on Friday, both Cashmere Agency and Vinet Ege have been contrite in their apologies.  It is my understanding that Vinet Ege may no longer be using Cashmere Agency for their online marketing.  Vinet Ege has offered an apology to the Cocktailing Community at large, and wishes to start again at day 1, hoping to regain some image for their “unconventional product”.  I appreciate and respect their approach, and look forward to a new beginning and a third chance for their product.  Cocktailnerd has the full text of the apology.


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Posted on February 11, 2009 at 1:01 pm

Comment by Big John

This came off as incredibly childish.

You don’t post forever, then you post some half-imagined rant out of nowhere?

You just lost this reader, and I’m sure others.

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 2:00 pm

Comment by Big John

This came off as incredibly childish. We get it, you’re all peeved. Does it really necessitate the entire community posting rants about it? Delete it and move on. Your readers don’t care. PR schlocks act like morons all the time, you don’t read rants like this anywhere else.

You don’t post forever, then you post some half-imagined rant out of nowhere?

You just lost this reader, and I’m sure others.

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 2:02 pm

Comment by SeanMike

Sounds like someone who works for a PR company won’t be reading your blog anymore TraderTiki!

“you don’t read rants like this anywhere else” - why - yes, yes you do. Not just in the links listed above, but you can also start with:

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 2:05 pm

Comment by Big John

Hmm. Didn’t think the first one had posted, feel free to can it. Not that it matters at the end of the day.

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 2:11 pm

Comment by cocktailnerd

Big John, I’m sorry you feel that we should “delete it and move on.”

I ask that you consider telemarketing calls. There are entire pieces of legislation committed to the fact that we have the right not to be harassed. By your logic we should all just hit “ignore” on our phone or not answer it when we see caller ID.

Spam of any sort is dishonest, and disrespectful, and wasteful and, in some instances, illegal. I, for one, am taking the only recourse I have that may change things, writing about it. I hope you’ll reconsider your position on reading this and other blogs that are trying to shine a light on a shameful and, ultimately, counter-productive practice.

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 2:14 pm

Comment by Paystyle

LOL…I have to say, well played! I’m glad someone has the balls to still say these sorts of things. I was laughing hard throughout reading this post.

I especially agree with your concluding thought regarding these half-brained cocktail recipes these alcohol companies (or perhaps their PR companies) come up with. It’s as if they themselves have never tasted these recipes they recommend to others. They spend tons of money trying to brand themselves as high end liquors then come out with a recipe which calls for mixing equal parts of their product with Sprite and garnish with a lime.

Funny stuff.

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 3:48 pm

Comment by Frederic

Wait, you didn’t even get a free bottle? Just the spam?

Posted on February 11, 2009 at 9:03 pm

Comment by Paul

Omg someone sent you spam? On the internet??? And you run a blog?????


cry more.

Posted on February 12, 2009 at 5:13 am

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Posted on February 12, 2009 at 1:31 pm

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