The Tormenters, Green

Posted by TraderTiki on February 11th, 2009 — Posted in Bilge

Lev1tr@, V1@gr@, and now, L3 Tormen7 V3r7.  I’ve received quite a bit of spam in my time on the internet, but none so… well, painful.  I’d like to think that my time here does not go to waste.  That the countless hours I’ve spent grinding my fingers to the bone over some CSS change, or the amount of toxification my liver has taken trying bad drinks so you don’t have to, actually count for something in the world.  That some modicum of respect comes from those imbibers, professionals and distillers who might stumble across this site.  In time, I’ve seen flashes of this, and felt nourished, improved, and enamored by it, driving me to do bigger and better things.   Then came this comment in my TDN Live post (recipe changed, subtly):

i’ve never been a fan of mixed drinks until i came into the poison apple martini POISON APPLE MARTINI
Easily batched for the mini carafe bottles
1oz Le Tourment “Absinthe” (substitute Scope Wintergreen)
1/2oz Donkey Piss
1/2oz Curried Sewage Water
Splash Cranberry Juice
- Shake well and strain into rocks glass

This was followed up with about 20+ other comments, ranging from the inane to the blatant “Buy this shit now.” This does not fill me with joy.  This only frustrates me, as I spam filter the comments, and reach for my Akismet settings to stop the torrent of torment coming through to my inbox.

First off, numbnuts, I put a lot of time and effort into this site.  Perhaps not quite so much recently, but my time != your adspace.  This is my house, bitches!  Take your shoes off at the front door, and don’t shit on my lawn, not necessarily in that order.  This is not a forum, this is my podium, so trying to make it like there’s a discussion going on just don’t work.

Second, I MAKE THE DRINKS HERE.  You want to talk recipes?  Let’s talk, collaborate, commiserate, it’s one of the things I enjoy about this thing we call blog.  Posting recipes hawking your warez though?  No, no, and a thousand times more NO.  I do not post recipes submitted from PR Firms (for the most part), and I damned well ain’t going to accept one posted in the comments through some hackery considered to be “Viral Social Marketing.”  You want recipes?  Send me an email, send me some samples, and I’ll give you something.  Hell, send cash and I’ll even give some adspace and a name drop or two.

Third… man.  If this were a decent product, I’d have other things to say, MAYBE, but… Le Tourment Vert “Absinthe” is just horrible.  Just… an awful product.  Not just as an absinthe, but as just something on the market, it’s bad.  The best recipe I’ve seen for it so far is to use the bottle as a paperweight.  Adding shit like spamming blogs onto this shitpile of a product just makes it a touch shittier, no?

So now you’re thinking, “well, this guy’s just a dick, and a pompous dick at that.”  All true, but let me at least put some nugget out there of how best to work with bloggers (we are a strange, hat-wearing bunch).  Like any relationship, a little respect in the beginning pays forward in multitudes.  You put a touch of time and effort into a personal email, letter, or something else, and you will be respected in turn.  We LOVE samples.  LOVE LOVE LOVE.  Besides, how do I know you’ve got the best snake oil unless I’ve tried it myself?  Recipes… well, we tend to stick to the classics, or develop our own.  If you send a recipe that’s from a noted or available source, that’ll garner a lot more possibility of posting (ie - Jeffrey’s Boca Loca recipes) than giving us your standard Crappletini.

Need an example of who’s doing it right?  Check out Brand Action Team or the Baddish Group.  For PR Agencies, these folks are top notch.  A bit heavy on the emails at times, but forgiveable since they’re always willing to work with bloggers the way we want to be worked with, which is, as though were were real people.

So to larry, gloria, luv2drink, wwwhhhaaaa, comedyman21, tipsy, Brett, drinktomeethotchicks, and all others at IP Addresses 69.232.44.28 and 69.198.92.81, I hope your Communications degrees from University of Phoenix comfort you during this backlash, bitches.

For more (polite, literate, etc) rants, check out Darcy, Marleigh, SeanMike, Gabriel, Jon, Chris, Stevi, Tiare, Paul, Chuck, and Matt.

Update: Since being solicited, Cashmere Agency, the PR firm representing LTV, sent me a care package containing the product, and a few other “goodies”.  This is a step in the right direction, and at the same time… man, Red Bull and Sour Apple Pucker?  We got to get you hooked up with some professional mixologists.  I have to give credit for the cocktail recipes + the mixers to make them with, but still… new recipes folks.  The Appletini has been declared dead.

Update the second: In the time between the date this was posted, and now, 9:30 on Friday, both Cashmere Agency and Vinet Ege have been contrite in their apologies.  It is my understanding that Vinet Ege may no longer be using Cashmere Agency for their online marketing.  Vinet Ege has offered an apology to the Cocktailing Community at large, and wishes to start again at day 1, hoping to regain some image for their “unconventional product”.  I appreciate and respect their approach, and look forward to a new beginning and a third chance for their product.  Cocktailnerd has the full text of the apology.